


Delete message?

by 50shadesoflarrystylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, M/M, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29911509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50shadesoflarrystylinson/pseuds/50shadesoflarrystylinson
Summary: The one where louis couldn't say goodbye and harry left a voicemail
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 6





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The sun was slowly setting, the reddish yellowish rays of sunlight shining through the large living room window and warming the snowy white couch.

Harry turned around on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. His gaze was starry and hopeless, perhaps not entirely, somewhere that evening he had had hope.

The day was ok. Every day was ok. Sometimes it was worse, never better, it was tiring to try again every day.

It's like he got lost years ago. At first he could see the way out, but with each passing day the way out moved away from him.

Day after day, everything repeated itself in painful ways.

Everything in Harry's life was wonderful, through Corona he even had more time to spend with Louis.  
He made him laugh with his sarcastic manner, and he had the gift of drowning all of Harry's thoughts in the laughter and positive energy that engulfed him.

But when Louis left, Harry's mind wandered to a dark place he couldn't explain.  
It started out of nowhere, that horrible thoughts would fly over him and he just felt awful, to the point where he swallowed it and just looked silently at the ceiling.

Night after night he lay there, feeling so powerless. No matter how beautiful the day was, as soon as night fell, the thoughts in his head reminded him that this was the last beautiful moment. That he would end up alone, so alone with himself, and sometimes he remembered the moments when he knew he was important to someone.

The sun's rays were fading and the moon was now shining through the large window.

Harry got up, went into the bathroom and looked around.  
Everything around him felt strange.  
He took the shampoo, tears streamed down his cheeks, the water from the shower washed them off his cheeks.

He squeezed the bottle, a hopeless laugh escaped his sprayed, bloody lips.

The bottle was empty.

So he let it go, Harry stumbled into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, drinking the last bottle of wine his father had given him a long time ago.  
He slowly began to tidy up until everything looked unused.

It was just after 3 a.m. when he stood in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, crying because he no longer recognised himself.

The deep circles under his eyes, the greasy hair and his old clothes that had been the same for two weeks because he lacked the motivation to change them.

Harry turned on the tap and listened to the drips until he held down a glass with shaking hands. He swallowed the triple dose of sleeping pills prescribed by his doctor.  
Because the normal dose couldn't do its job anymore.

Wide awake, he went to bed, but psychologically so exhausted that he wanted to die. At some point, perhaps a few hours later, as the sun rose, he finally passed out.

When he woke up, around 4 o'clock in the afternoon, it started all over again.

Louis came over today, Harry asked him to cook his favourite meal. Louis grumbled, but finally did it, Harry's mum came to eat too, and gemma two hours later.

Harry smiled as he listened silently to the others, slowly stuffing the food into his empty stomach.

He had showered and changed into new clothes.

And that was his last point, it was as if this perfect moment was seeping into his brain and giving him hope. And it made him so incredibly happy.

"I'll clean up, I love you"

"Thank you, I'm going to bed."

"ye-"

Harry heard the door slam, it was evening. How quickly time flew.

By the time he finished cleaning up, it was midnight.

Harry smiled as he opened the door and the night wind blew into his face, enveloping him in the cool air and silence.  
Harry had been walking for hours, his empty eyes fixed on the ground, his ice-cold hands buried deep in his jumper pockets, when he saw the lights of the bridge from far away and slowed his dragging pace.

He stood still on the railing of the large, dangerous bridge with the coloured lights, far away from the city.  
Sporadically, speeding cars drove past him.

Harry climbed onto the small elevation and looked at the moon.  
Today was the full moon, the night of the 28th. It was particularly cold and dark. The trains rushed under the bridge at regular intervals. They ran fast and unstoppable. The bridge was secured, bus to the middle, the highest point.

Whoever stood there would die.

Suddenly Harry stood there, all the years, all the nights his thoughts had tormented him would stop the moment he let go of the railing, closed his eyes and the world around him stopped.

When his body hit the rails, they shattered the beings in his head, Harry felt it, hope left him with the impact.

He could still hear the train crashing over the tracks when his heart stopped, he spat out blood, his ribs painfully crushed. He choked on the blood in his mouth, a smile stretched across his face as he painfully tried to role on his side to spit the blood out. But he couldn't move, the blood floated back in his throat until he his body gave fully up and he landed in a deep deep sea.

The water embraced him and pulled him through his memories, from his first steps, to the x-factor, to louis, to the first and last hug. Everything rushed past him, he fell in euphoria, floating in the depths of the ocean, as he was pulled deeper into the dark abysses, he saw himself holding a gun to his head and the bullets piercing his skull. He saw it over and over again. Until he fell out of the water onto a endlessly looking meadow covered with sunflowers, and tiny birds singing their melody.

Harry got up and ran across the meadow to the end, where he looked down, behind the clouds and the rain that poured onto the earth, he recognized ambulances and paramedics running around frantically, he heard screams, he saw Louis, he saw his mum and gemma. Liam, Zayn, and Niall. He called out to them, but the ground under his feet disappeared, he fell in the darkness, in which demonic shadows held him, on both hands. He stood next to Louis and held his hand as he cried and screamed. Louis stood in front of Harry, his tear-veiled eyes puffed up red. He took Harry in his arms, his lovely form, Harry smiled as louis let go of him and slowly, with sirens and the dawning morning, Harry disappeared from Louis's side, and all that was left for him was the voicemail from Harry on his screen, which passed him through veiled displaying;

**Delete message?**


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